Saturday, May 12, 2012

Left unfinished: "The Necro Device" by M.T. Dismuke

I should have known from the grammatical error in the book's description that this was not going to go well.
John and Mary Hilt are hired to restore the Mandiev mansion isolated between four surrounding towns. In the past, the Mandiev brothers had a fatal accident which killed hundreds of local citizens. The event marks the beginning of a deadly device that will control its creator and affect the community for years to come. Mary Hilt will unlock the madness that spawned from its awakening. The Necro Device is a mind-melting, suspense thriller loaded with secrets, twists, and a diabolical plot.

A betrayal, a machine, a darker intent...

It has a purpose.

 In the interest of giving it a fair shot, I stuck with the book through the first chapter, but even that much was flush with "tell" rather than "show" writing, sloppy punctuation, erratic changes of tenses and clunky dialogue. For example, this sentence taken verbatim from the book:

Drunkenly, a man stood up from his seat. "Me!" He slurs loudly. "I'll Do, whatever! And show everyone that you're all nothing but a bunch of freaks!" He stumbled slightly.

There may be a good story lurking behind the dross — the few reviews it has on Amazon are good — but this reads like a rough draft. A good editor would do wonders to improve readability.

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